I don’t know if you know this are not, but men don’t fall in love very easily. Men fall in love in stages and some of those stages are far and beyond the patience of the women that love them.
You see, men don’t just fall in love with what they see, but men have to find deep reasons to love. It’s a fairly interesting dynamic because its physical appearance that attracts them, but its deep, unseen things about a woman that causes a man to fall in love.
Let me explain. Have you ever looked at a picture of someone and then began to glance beyond the picture of the person to see the things in the background? Sure you have! Remember how you enlarged the picture so you can get a closer look at where they are, what they have and any other little detail you can pull from the background. Well, you’re not just being nosy; you’re treating that picture the way men treat ‘falling in love’. The truth of the matter is the background search seems to be more interesting to you than the person, themselves.
And that is exactly the way men – fall in love. They search for a reason beyond sex, beyond how she looks, beyond a smile and beyond everything else she got so prepared for.
Falling in love for men is like playing chess. They connect her to things
in the background, searching for a ‘reason’ to love her and when they find it – they’re all in! They make strategic moves to test the things in the background and determine her relationship with those things as compared to how she feels about them. They look for their fit in the big picture rather than just with her alone. Sometimes if they don’t find it in the background, they’ll try to create it with her to give them a reason to fall in.
That’s right, I said ‘fall in’. Because that’s exactly what it is for men. It’s a fall; and a very long one at that. It’s a fall they fight so deeply to avoid, but want so badly to reach. They are conflicted with the fear of falling in love and the need to be independent. So they dance in the background of the picture, just playing around and mingling with things. God! Does this frustrate the women that love them!
Listen, I’ve been trying to help them, but I’ve learned that as long as you keep playing the music they dance to – they will never stop dancing around you. You have to make them accountable to the reason they looked into the picture in the first place. You have to pull them from the background and re-center them to yourself. You have to show them the things inside of you and help them match those things to things in themselves. If there is going to be a dance, let it be an internal dance with the matters of the heart because if he can find a reason ‘in you’ then nothing around you will ever change that. And if he can’t – then he probably shouldn’t be in the picture – in the first place.