It is hard to love someone after they’ve hurt you, betrayed you, lied to you or taken your love and shared it with someone else. It’s not only hard, it’s painful! But some people, some how, love hard enough to go through the pain it causes. For reasons that many people often never understand, they try to make their relationship work. And if that’s you – keep reading…
They stay because they believe in the person that hurt them. There’s a level of hope they have in the person and the future they can have together. They see what the future can be if the person could just come to realize how special the relationship is. They see something that the person doesn’t see and unfortunately, may never see. So they compromise their own reality to have a dream with a person that only lives a dream, but is far from what is really going on.
Life is about what you want, not just what you need! You may need someone in your life to share your life with – it’s just makes sense – but you may be by yourself because of the type of person you want. And that’s OK! Staying in a relationship just for the sake of claiming a relationship is nothing. It has no value, even if you get a few superficial gifts.
This is the deal. People have to learn to make their relationships work and that means taking responsibility for what you’ve done to damage the relationship in the first place. If you’ve hurt your partner in the relationship. Don’t expect them to recover too quickly! Forgiving you is a process and if you keep acting like nothing happened – you don’t deserve them.
Let me explain. It is one thing to be hurt by someone you know; it is another to be hurt by someone you love. The cuts are different. The wounds bleed differently. You need to realize that! Emotional cuts, especially by someone you love, take a long time to heal. If you don’t want them bringing up the past or you get upset because you feel they should have let it go, then you don’t really care about them. How could you emotionally cut somebody you say you love; put a bandage on it; and expect that it’s done? No cut heals like that!
So let me tell you how this works. You have to realize that bandages need to be changed. That means you’ll have to go back to it! Touch it! Care for it! And place a new bandage over it. This has to be done as often as the person you hurt needs it and depending on what you did to cause their pain; you may even need more help.
That’s how People that really love you handle you when they’ve hurt you. It’s natural. They understand it. And then there are those I have to tell this to. And if that’s you, you need to get your life together and stop taking life for granted – taking advantage of people that other people are praying to have.
If you’re serious about how much you say you love them, then take care of them in this crisis you’ve caused them. Something might get fixed in you as you fix what you broke in them.
Learn more about this in “Unbreaking The Heart”. Learn the 5 stages to forgiveness and what happens in each stage so you can stop trying to evade the problems you’ve caused and finally start the healing process.
It’s a process and if you don’t want to get in it – you don’t really love them.