How To Un-Break A Broken Heart

Sabrina had been married for three years and had one child. Her husband was a hard working, dedicated and compassionate man. Initially, she had everything she needed in a man, and she was right, until she later experienced difficulty with him connecting with her at a deeper level. She did her best to justify his actions by repeating things she had learned about men, like, “men can’t express emotions; men don’t like to talk, or a man can never understand a woman’s emotions.” Then one day she noticed her response when her husband attempted to comfort her by offering her help during a very emotionally difficult time in her life. She noticed how she began to shut down, allowing him to only go so far. It eventually lead to an argument and the help he offered her became the hell they had to live with. This brought the couple to marriage counseling. They just could not seem to connect and here are a few things I helped them discover about their relationship:

1. Sabrina had been hurt before. Her heart was broken and she had the hardest time giving her deepest ‘self’ away in her marriage.
2. You can give your head away without giving your heart away in a relationship. Just because Sabrina said “I do” at the ceremony, didn’t mean she did, because she kept her heart and only gave her husband her head. Three years of marriage was pushing her to release her heart, but it was too broken to give him.
3. Trust has to do with giving something away, not just depending on someone. In relationships, you can say you trust someone you love, but you can never really know you do unless you give them your heart. Giving your heart is the highest level of expressing trust.
4. The heart is the hardest thing to give away in a relationship. It is easier to give your body away than it is to give your heart away. That’s why many couples can have sex and still feel so disconnected.
5. Marriage will draw deep things out of you that you never knew were there and if your heart is broken, marriage will make it known. It is always hard to trust when your heart is still broken.
6. You can’t last long in a healthy marriage with a broken heart. You have to deal with your the emotional and psychological pains of a broken heart or you will damage the very things you want to salvage in your marriage.
7. If you don’t take care of your broken heart, your partner’s heart will begin to break as well and then things began to get extremely dark and difficult.
8. There is an answer to the question, “How can you mend a broken heart” and it’s absolutely not by finding a new relationship. Broken hearts are mended by the people the heart belongs to and until that’s done, you will be broken in every new relationship you find yourself in.
9. It is always hard to trust when your heart is broken, maybe even impossible. Sometimes you have to realize that it’s probably not that your partner is not trust worthy, it’s just that your heart is broken and broken hearts have a difficult time trusting.
10. You can’t get to the love you want until you can give your entire heart away and as long as you’re in a relationship where you have to keep a part of your heart to yourself, you’ll never be totally in the relationship.