Affects of Divorce on Children Are Making Parents Reconsider

The awkward thing about divorce is not just ending the conflict. It’s the complexity of the grief that comes along with it, that is so difficult to overcome.  There are several reasons why this grief is so complicated. One obviously, is because of the loss.  The grief of divorce can feel like the death of a loved one, but often complicated by the continued life and engagement of the same. It is hard to loss someone you love, but it is also difficult not being with someone you left.  It’s almost like your brain gets confused – “It feels like death, but their still here…” As troubling as recovery can be for divorced couples, this does not stop them from moving forward with the process. 

There is, however, one dynamic that married couples are paying more attention to that has been much more influential in their decision to stay together, than just their own anger and disappointments.  That one thing is – the kids.

Most children and adolescents have a very difficult time recovering from their parent’s decision to divorce. Although all children are different, most psychological research indicates some very common responses of children and adolescents to divorce.  Here are some of the reasons parents are reconsidering, or at least giving every effort to get help for their marriage.

Children of divorced parents often:

1. Blame themselves for the divorce – and telling them it’s not their fault doesn’t often change that perspective.

2. Feel like they have to choose sides and carry the guilt of abandoning one parent.

3. Feel abandoned by both parents and may isolate and withdraw, trying to figure out how to find a new identity.

4. Think that their parents don’t love them because they don’t seem to love each other.

5. Get confused about the role of family, unity and love.

6. Become more aggressive or begin to regress, if they are younger, to try to adjust to the change.

7. Lose trust in their dependency on their parents because they can’t see them depending on each other.

8. Engage in fantasy and wishful thinking, forever hoping their parents get back together.

9.Often suffer with difficulties in forming meaning relationships.

10. Experience depression, anxiety and maladaptive behaviors in the process of resolving this drastic change in their life.

11. May engage in drugs, alcohol and other delinquent acts to help ease the pains of their emotional adjustment.

12. Learn to fear rejection and social isolation, often doing everything they can to please their peers.

Again, all children are different and are affected by divorce differently depending on their age, but parents should navigate divorce conscious of the reality that it absolutely has an affect on their children. In most cases, even in the case of divorce, most loving parents find common ground in resolving and reconciling their differences for the sake of saving their children.

If you are someone you know is having a difficult time in their marriage and in need of help, please contact Leroy Scott – “America’s Relationship Coach”