Parenting Under Pressure

I know that parenting can be challenging at times, especially with teenagers, but you have to realize that things are just as difficult for them as they are for you. During this time, they are trying to figure out how to respond to the many changes their body and brain are going through. They are also trying to figure out how to have autonomy while still being submissive to the authority of their parents. Here are three things you can do to help you get through this tough time.

1. Be Consistent

Let your consistency speak for the love you have for them. Teenagers need a routine to help build structure in their thinking and in their life. Since everything around them seems to be going up and down and people are steadily coming into their life and leaving their life, you want to try to bring consistency. You can do this be being consistent in your rules and your reinforcements. You should also be consistent in what you say and what you do. In other words, mean what you say and say what you mean. Remember, it is easier to start with rules and slowly decrease than it is to have no rules and implement them when you feel you need need them.

2. Be Present

It was easy to roll around with them at age two and play ball and baby dolls when they were young, but now you’ve got to find new ways to connect. Join in on the things they like to do and do them often. These will create moments of conversation that will help them figure out what to do about some of the challenges they face as adolescents. They will not want to tell you everything, but they will tell you some things and when they do, use those moments to explore other things.  Remember, they will be trying to figure out life on their own and a lot of what they will experience will be things you could have warned them of if you knew about them. You will fail uninvited in their life at times. Let that be OK, but always be there when they need you.

3. Be The Parent

I find that so many parents begin to feel guilty for being a parent. They really put a lot of energy in getting their children to like them, or at least being their friend. This type of parenting is often caused by parental insecurities about their own childhood or their own abilities. When your children are teenagers, they don’t need a friend, they need a parent! They are at a stage in life when they are trying to develop friendships outside the home and they begin spending more time with friends then they do at home. So friends are not a challenge for them. They need a parent! So don’t feel sorry for loving like a parent and making decisions they may not like. They are going to love you for each and every decision that kept them out of trouble eventually. So let your boundaries be clear and your rules be a reflection of your relationship with them. Support them enough to empower them to independence, but not so much that you spoil them and they never learn how to live.