I’ll never forget the first season I coached my son’s football game. Sometimes I wonder if he remembers the details as clearly as I do. God, I loved watching him run that ball! He ran with such pride, such stamina – totally focused on getting into the end zone so he could eventually do what he worked on the most – spiking the ball to the ground and glorying in his touchdown.
Then one day it happened, well it almost happened. He receives the handoff from the quarterback and runs towards the sideline. His five -year-old legs were moving faster than his body and he was avoiding and breaking tackles all over the field. One tackle, another tackle, a spin, a fake and bam! He breaks for the end zone. He crosses the 30, the 20, the 10, the 5 and plows straight into the end zone. I threw my hands up, I shouted, I jumped and then settled myself to watch him glory in his touchdown and spike that ball to the ground like the champion he was. But he didn’t do it! He just kept running, making a huge U-turn and heading in the opposite direction. Everyone was laughing, the refs began chasing him and I – well, I was confused. Then all of a sudden, I realized he was running towards me. He ran right towards me and jumped into my arms and gave me the football as though he had not scored until he got to me and when he did get to me – he could let the ball go.
At the time, I was a 24-year old father, trying to figure some things out in my heart – who I was, who I would become. Scared, nervous and often confused, I didn’t know all the things I would have to go through, but I knew one thing, and he was reminding me of it in that very moment. I knew that he was me, and I was him. I also knew that we were different and yet so much of the same. I knew he ran to me because he needed me, but I also realized that I needed him, probably more than he needed me. So I held him and I cried – inside, because at some level, as I held him, I realized that I was holding myself.
It is true, that we learn most things from experience. We have aspirations and ideals of what we want life to be like, but ultimately, we simply figure it all out as we go along. As I held my proud son that day, I was figuring some things out. Here’s what they were:
1. There is no pride greater than the pride a child feels when his father is proud of him.
2. A father needs to be in every aspect of his child’s life; the good, the bad and the confusing.
3. A father can heal himself from the emotional absence of a father by simply being present.
4. Men may not cry, but a real father will have many opportunities to do so – and it really makes him more manly.
5. Children want their fathers more than they want to score touchdowns.
6. Fathers have to be tough enough to be there when it’s not fun and not going the way they planned.
7. Sometimes you will fuss and probably fight (a pattern I’ve seen so often in therapy), but real fathers stay in the ring.
8. A man that loves his children – loves himself.
9. A real father’s children are a measurement of his success and when they don’t measure up – he struggles.
10. Real father’s live for the benefit of their children – they are more than just children – they are him.
Sometimes he can’t separate the difference. Families lead by fathers are fierce forces that share a supernatural power far greater than life can suppress. That’s why I encourage fathers to hang in there. I encourage them to see themselves in their children and work and hope for the best.
Listen, you only live once and I know that journey can be hard with a few breaks and great times in-between. But more than anything, you will have the opportunity to see your life in your children and they’ll take you where they go. That is – wherever they go – literally. Learn to enjoy your journey and make the best of what is ultimately the rest of you – your children.
For more information and help with how to get through tough times in your family or build a healthier relationship with your father or your children contact us at info@leroyscott.com.
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