Leroy Scott MS, MDiv, LPC, NCC
Why Is It So Hard to Say “I’m Sorry”
- April 20, 2020
If only you realized how much saying “I’m Sorry” could save your life, you would have rehearsal lessons in your bathroom mirror every night before you went to sleep. These two words are two of the most powerful words on the planet and they work together to do a few amazing things that I would like to explain to you.
But before I do, I want you to realize that there are some people that abuse the words by using them with no meaning or intent to change. So I’m not really writing to them, but rather the few people that feel sorry deep in their soul, want to say it, but just find it so difficult to get it out. I’m going to explain it’s benefits and also tell you the BIG SECRET about the words that will change your perspective forever.
#1: They feel threatened (The Big Secret)
Now most people would call this feeling vulnerable, but it’s actually not just vulnerability – it’s threatened. Our brains release a chemical that enters our bloodstream called cortisol. The chemical is released when we are afraid, anxious or in danger. The chemical helps our muscular system and limbs prepare for fight or flight responses. Often when you struggle with saying “I’m Sorry” you don’t realize that inside of yourself, your body feels threatened and is figuring out how to defend itself. The problem with the brain is that sometimes it reads its environment incorrectly and you have to teach it to relax. The words “I’m sorry” weakens those defenses and puts us in a state of calm that let’s the body know that things are well and its safe to take responsibility for what you’ve done wrong. Your brain and body don’t naturally know that.
#2: They put stress on themselves
When you hold on to “I’m Sorry” and don’t genuinely say it when it is deemed appropriate and you feel you always have to defend yourself or just simply don’t like being wrong – You Stress Yourself Out! Think about it for a second. If you have to keep piling the stress and building the tension that comes with not saying “I’m Sorry”, you are eventually going to burst. I realize you may not be aware of how stressful for this is for the body, but reality is, you can’t keep holding on and stuffing responsibility in some secret internal container. Eventually, you will run out of room. Forcing your body to fight against the release of good brain chemicals that are produced by love, joy and happiness can actually lower blood pressure and causes you to be more relaxed. Remember, you may regret treating your body so badly one day. That’s why when you say “I’m Sorry” it brings everything down. It calms the argument or debate. It’s literally like magic!
#3 They don’t say sorry – because they’re not sorry
Sometimes people genuinely do not know how to take responsibility for their actions and face their mistakes. These are the type of people that never change their behavior. They take people for granted and make false promises for which they never take responsibility for. They are prideful and have difficulty empathizing with others. These people don’t say “I’m Sorry” because deep within themselves- they’re not sorry.
Obviously, there are more reasons that people might fail to say “I’m Sorry”, but these three are normally not discussed much. You should try helping your brain know that it doesn’t have to be threatened simply because you made a mistake. Help yourself relax and release the weight of stress that not saying “I’m Sorry” weighs you down with. The more you practice, the better you become and the more authentic you become in saying it the less mistakes you should be making. You may even find that you ultimately become a better person by simply saying “I’m Sorry” to yourself sometimes. Now go and find someone to say “I’m Sorry” to and Save Your Life.
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